Showing posts with label dream. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dream. Show all posts

Sunday, March 4, 2012

living at the cottage


Home right now  (taken before the snow came, forever ago in fall)
I've spent some of the happiest times at cabins and cottages and I've always wanted to live in one, didn't see why people kept them tucked away as sacred weekend and holiday places, when they could have that feeling all the time and live there.


And so when I get the sense from people that they think I am roughing it HUGE - like impossibly HUGE, like "you have no fucking running water? how do you bathe? where do you go to the bathroom? BUT YOU HAVE A NEWBORN BABY!" - I just have to laugh  because our life is so amazing, so steeped and strong with everything good and everything I believe in.

You may have a cottage or a camp. If not you may have been invited to one at some point in your life. How restorative do times spent in these outdoor focused places feel? How warm and calm and gooey do you feel hugged in the arms of logs, of wood, of the stuff the trees made so you could have a roof over your head?

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

random

spent the entire day trying not to barf. so over school and everything about it. too (whats the word for i just dont care anymore)

came home and slept for hours and

i dreamt there was a tree on fire in peterborough in a backyard where we used to have keg parties and i rushed to try and put it out but it happened all on its own

Monday, March 28, 2011

Some teeny-bop dream i had..

.. kind of twisted, romantic coming of age shit..

Fiction Alert!

The time at the grocery after school...two weeks to graduation. Dave, shy skater Dave, nervous shrugging Dave with the huge dark blue eyes and the quiet stutter, Dave who talked to her for hours on the telephone but had only ever held her hand. She was with him that day - witnessed something barbaric inside of him emerge and quickly vanish.

The kid followed them and egged them on the entire way to the grocery, and somehow it attracted a lot of attention and then there was a crowd and the crowd became this pulsating force, this mob of: "why are you letting this shit-head say this stuff to you Dave?" The kid wouldn't stop. he was begging for it, the mob said, "beat him Dave. You are being a pussy Dave, beat this dickwads face in". And he did. a fury of punches, nothing fancy, nothing dirty, just well placed punches, and he almost didn't stop but she was screaming, blurred, she knew he would regret it...she was screaming for him to stop and he did.

he took some hits too, was pushed into a shopping cart, off balance, winded him..but not as much as the little shit who had started it all. (Dave would later recall the sensation of the other boys jaw breaking under his knuckles, and become nauseated with the memory.)

by the end of it, his mother had been called and she came in her rusty white buick to gather her youngest son.
The girl went with them and Dave cried blood into her lap in the back seat. His mother smoked a cigarette and watched the tenderness of the girl in the rear-view mirror.
******
at home in the dishevelment of the rented white Victorian with lopsided porch and forever slamming front door, Dave's mother's boyfriend sits at the table with a beer and looks up as they arrive but Dave's mother shushed him and points the girl down the hall of this beautiful, dirty house where the bedroom doors never quite stay shut and the whitewash of the walls never quite stays white.. the girl nods and half carries Dave to the bathroom down the wooden hall and holds his hand under the water spout watching the rivulets of blood weave down his fingers to the drain. his liquid blue eyes are large and amazed in the dusty oval mirror. he doesn't talk much because when he does it's never anything that matters, he wants it to matter, feels like it should matter but it's stuttered silliness when it comes out.
*****
when he first came to high school his older brother got up and played the guitar and sang Imagine by the Beatles in front of the entire school, Dave just sat there big eyed and wished he could say it like that one day too. Hasn't yet.
****
the lockers at school are not big enough to fit the burden of youth. weren't when they were in 9th grade and still aren't now. they spill hidden bottles of booze and soiled gym clothes and he can never quite remember the combination until the last moment and he can never quite get it closed, can never erase the graffiti.
*****
she holds him all night while he sobs in the cold stillness of his bedroom because she knows he is horrified, sweet dave who has never hurt a fly, knows he will have bad dreams and wake up hating himself. she is not sure if he will remember but in his despair he kisses her three times on the lips as if gasping for air, (of course he will remember) each time more natural, more tender. he has never kissed her before. never kissed anyone. she smiles through the soft swell of his lips and tucks herself around his delirious warmth.
she watches him....watches day arrive opalescent gray through the window..the same trees sway outside and things will never be the same..

Thursday, February 3, 2011

for some reason a school bus
and hand me down dogs
and jeans torn at the knees

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Goodmorning (I've missed my make believe people)

When Lily slips out in the early morning she finds Arden elbow deep in the engine of his truck. He's got smudges of black car blood mingling with the tattoo on his arm, creating a whole new design. He scoops her up into an embrace, her feet dangling off the ground sway and she can smell the engine oil and him, completely enclosed, unable to move, not wanting to. She listens to his whispers and could stay there in this floating limbo of embrace forever.