Showing posts with label romance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label romance. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

My Kind of Yukon Gold

Sometimes the world is so bursting with inspiration it hits me over the head. That's what happened today. I was tucking some clothes away in the crawl space and letters and photographs rained down from the walls. 

Of course I read them. They were over 20 years old and written from various women, all to the same man, all within the same 3 year period, all about how much they long for him, love him, culminating in a 14 page letter written by the jilted woman who was carrying this mans child!

And so I am crackling with fictive energy, pregnant with poetry!


cursive hearts hidden 
still beat, fatherless
children still breath

Am I a terrible person for finding these letters? For reading them? For sharing some of the most poignant excerpts on my blog?
(Names have been changed)

 
Mary:   I just got one of my sculptures fired (actually 2 of them) but one I'm really pleased with. It broke and I    
                           need to repair it but I think I can do it so it won't be obvious.

Cath:  P.S. I left the earring on your dresser so it should be there if you found the        
                  other in your truck.

Josie:  (expect me when you least expect me
              with the baby in me or in my arms)

I ache for these women. I too have attempted to repair beautiful broken things, left talismans behind,  worn our child like a wedding ring.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Mere (in the winter after planting)

this is a character i have a hard time writing but when i do it ends up being way more authentic than when i try to write any of the male characters.

Fiction Alert!


I am not supposed to be pregnant. No. Especially, I am not supposed to be pregnant and painting. Where is the inspiration coming from now? Cigarettes, drugs and booze were my muse. A lot of people, men people, the ones in bands, think it's the music. No. Music is what I used to smoke during the breaks from cigarettes, drugs and booze. Now all I've got is the music and the emptiness where vice used to be and it occurs to me that music is not that bad and emptiness is okay once you tarnish it somehow with the dirt of life experience.

The attic of the B and B is no longer cold like it used to be. Byron spent the first part of September - after the tourists left and before I returned - insulating my studio. Perhaps to ensure I never leave again like I did last fall. It's too warm now but I can't tell him this. It is stifling. I open the window and the air and the sounds of outside are invited in and a little bit of my soul is allowed out. The music is different somehow now too, not better or worst, just different.

The music is distracting, yes. When you listen to familiar fingers making sounds against the guitar and know you have made similar sounds under similar circumstances, with those exact fingers, and you start to sway with brush in hand and you picture yourself as you once were, mistress-home-wrecker to guitar-wife.. you feel guilty and this guilt becomes shape and colour on canvas. It isn't a bad thing. and when you start to get the impression the music is painting through you and you feel phony for just a second when you paint the sound of his voice orange and wonder if you should worry about offending him, or worst, flattering him.

I place the brush upside down in the jar, wipe my hands down the front of my belly and make an attempt at finding an album of music consisting of a band free of past lovers, real or imagined, and it is a difficult task. I settle for Janice Joplin. Of course it is impossible to not be nostalgic when the future holds nothing but the impossibility of kinetics and the promise of pain. And Janice Joplin reminds me of the summer I just had and the boy who, unbeknown to him, changed everything about my future while fighting hard to forget his own past...

Monday, March 28, 2011

Some teeny-bop dream i had..

.. kind of twisted, romantic coming of age shit..

Fiction Alert!

The time at the grocery after school...two weeks to graduation. Dave, shy skater Dave, nervous shrugging Dave with the huge dark blue eyes and the quiet stutter, Dave who talked to her for hours on the telephone but had only ever held her hand. She was with him that day - witnessed something barbaric inside of him emerge and quickly vanish.

The kid followed them and egged them on the entire way to the grocery, and somehow it attracted a lot of attention and then there was a crowd and the crowd became this pulsating force, this mob of: "why are you letting this shit-head say this stuff to you Dave?" The kid wouldn't stop. he was begging for it, the mob said, "beat him Dave. You are being a pussy Dave, beat this dickwads face in". And he did. a fury of punches, nothing fancy, nothing dirty, just well placed punches, and he almost didn't stop but she was screaming, blurred, she knew he would regret it...she was screaming for him to stop and he did.

he took some hits too, was pushed into a shopping cart, off balance, winded him..but not as much as the little shit who had started it all. (Dave would later recall the sensation of the other boys jaw breaking under his knuckles, and become nauseated with the memory.)

by the end of it, his mother had been called and she came in her rusty white buick to gather her youngest son.
The girl went with them and Dave cried blood into her lap in the back seat. His mother smoked a cigarette and watched the tenderness of the girl in the rear-view mirror.
******
at home in the dishevelment of the rented white Victorian with lopsided porch and forever slamming front door, Dave's mother's boyfriend sits at the table with a beer and looks up as they arrive but Dave's mother shushed him and points the girl down the hall of this beautiful, dirty house where the bedroom doors never quite stay shut and the whitewash of the walls never quite stays white.. the girl nods and half carries Dave to the bathroom down the wooden hall and holds his hand under the water spout watching the rivulets of blood weave down his fingers to the drain. his liquid blue eyes are large and amazed in the dusty oval mirror. he doesn't talk much because when he does it's never anything that matters, he wants it to matter, feels like it should matter but it's stuttered silliness when it comes out.
*****
when he first came to high school his older brother got up and played the guitar and sang Imagine by the Beatles in front of the entire school, Dave just sat there big eyed and wished he could say it like that one day too. Hasn't yet.
****
the lockers at school are not big enough to fit the burden of youth. weren't when they were in 9th grade and still aren't now. they spill hidden bottles of booze and soiled gym clothes and he can never quite remember the combination until the last moment and he can never quite get it closed, can never erase the graffiti.
*****
she holds him all night while he sobs in the cold stillness of his bedroom because she knows he is horrified, sweet dave who has never hurt a fly, knows he will have bad dreams and wake up hating himself. she is not sure if he will remember but in his despair he kisses her three times on the lips as if gasping for air, (of course he will remember) each time more natural, more tender. he has never kissed her before. never kissed anyone. she smiles through the soft swell of his lips and tucks herself around his delirious warmth.
she watches him....watches day arrive opalescent gray through the window..the same trees sway outside and things will never be the same..